Thrown into Overdrive

A majority of my advice throughout the creation of Finding Your Footing focuses on building a strong routine.

Being the Type A individual I am, I thrive off structure and accomplishing things in an organized manner. It makes me feel good, and I am rather guilty of tying my self-worth to my productivity, whether that be athletically or academically.

Oftentimes I had friends voice slight concerns to me, mentioning that it’s okay to stray from stringent plans and that not every aspect of my life needed a roadmap. I’d brush them off and just say that this is who I am. The girl who plans. The girl who has all her ducks in a row. The girl who doesn’t rest until the work is done.

My routine provided a sense of control and comfort for me. But what I didn’t realize was how it was all truly a false sense of comfort. It made it so that each day I was reliant on situational validation for completing a slew of tasks instead of taking time for the fun, less elitist parts of my day. The gratification was short-lived as I went to bed each night knowing I had a new day’s worth of things do achieve in a short number of hours.

Coming back to Lehigh for my junior fall was one of the rudest awakenings I’ve probably ever endured, but it wasn’t until I reflected upon it over a year later did I realize what a number that semester had done on me.

I was coming off what stands to have been the best summer of my life. I lived in George Washington University apartments in the heart of Washington D.C., worked my dream internship at a public affairs firm in my favorite neighborhood in the entire city and spent quite literally all of my free time dabbling in any type of boutique fitness I could get my hands on.

I’d fallen in love with classes that to this day are still my favorite forms of movement, but I was obsessive about them. I planned my days and weekends around which classes I could take, attending on days when I probably should’ve given my body a break and expended just as much energy to my fitness as I did to my work. I saw these classes as the new form of my swim practices. A staple part of my day before or after work, only I truly looked forward to going to them each day. In a sense they rebirthed my love for athletics in a new way, and I loved them more than I had swimming.

This is not to detract from the growth I attribute to that summer and the impact it had on my path toward adulthood, however, upon reflection it was obvious that my habits were unhealthy.

When I returned to Lehigh I attempted to structure my days in the most productive manner as possible. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I did not have a single minute of breathing room for myself until past dinnertime most weeks. I was constantly moving from class, to workouts, to more class, to extracurricular activities on top of enduring 20 credits worth of homework.

I had overloaded on courses that semester in order to still be ahead in my degrees when I returned from my spring semester abroad. I had thought it was no big deal, I’d taken 20 credits before and had been fine. But those 20 credits had never been in 200- and 300-level classes known to be the most challenging in my major. And I had never been a top-level editor at The Brown and White before, all while holding leadership positions in my Greek chapter house and other clubs I was involved in on campus.

While I fought tooth-and-nail to maintain a high GPA, accomplish all my daily tasks and responsibilities, work out and maintain my relationships that semester, my gym time quickly became the only activity I was doing strictly for myself.

In some ways it grounded me. I loved being able to shut off, listen to my favorite music and celebrate how fast I could run or how many reps I could complete. Initially I focused on all I was capable of athletically rather than what I couldn’t. But as my commitments and schoolwork became more overwhelming, my athletic endeavors began to be the only part of my life I felt like I still had control over.

By November, I was completely burnt out after months of running (quite literally) on overdrive. In addition to burning my body into the ground from exercise, I didn’t prioritize maintaining a healthy sleep schedule or proper nutrition throughout this time. I had thought that so long as I could maintain the fitness aspect of my life, that would be enough to hold me over for the time being.

Only it wasn’t.

When I had returned home at the end of the semester I met my parents’ concerned faces when they saw how disheveled I’d become. I was rail thin, had lost a significant amount of hair and my joints were constantly in pain. But rather than use my winter break before heading to Europe as a true break, I solely focused on my athletic pursuits even more.

I was so happy to be back in the city that had rebirthed my love for fitness. I was still driving into DC most days to hop on a bike or pilates machine even though my body was begging me not to. By the end of my break I was leaving for Europe with horrific back and hip pain that only worsened during the months I was home.

I sit here writing this 15 months since last winter break during my last week of undergrad saying that I truly have found a better sense of balance. It took a lot of forced time off to heal my joint pain, as well as an entire pandemic to make me pause and appreciate the smaller parts of my Lehigh experience I had been depriving myself of while attempting to hold onto some sense of control.

I live for the Saturday morning runs to Bagel Basket with my best friends, the long walks across the greenway listening to a podcast or chatting with a sorority sister, late nights in the newsroom laughing about the articles of the day and so much more. While I still maintain an avid fitness routine, I also prioritize a good night’s rest and nourishing meals that power me through my homework as well as my social endeavors. I know when a certain muscle hurts it means I need to take a break rather than push myself further, and that’s actually the stronger decision to make.

I used to fear that once I lived alone in D.C. once again I’d retreat to these habits, but I am far less worried about that now. Although I plan to maintain my fitness well throughout adulthood, I also hope to having a flourishing social, professional and personal life that doesn’t have to take a backseat to my athletics.

While it is important to stay organized, there’s a way to go about it without tying everything you are to your productivity. I look back at the girl from three semesters ago and wish I could hug her and tell her to slow down, but I can’t. So instead I use these experiences to remind myself of all I can accomplish that there is room for everything if you allow for it.